well, this morning hosanna was sleeping, and my husband jer was working here at home, so i took joshijah out for a walk. the weather was BEAUTIFUL….gentle breeze, shining sun, birds all chirpy and a-flutter. we took time to talk (2 year old conversation) and look at flowers, naming the colours and picking dandelions. it was then that i realized that i almost ….and i say almost…felt….guilty. yep. guilty.
here i was on this blissful walk with my son, chatting and smiling, holding hands and discovering small things. drinking my morning cup of coffee. it doesn’t get any better than this. but for a fleeting moment, the thought crossed my mind: i wonder if people look at me and think i am being lazy or “playing hookie”. shouldn’t i be doing something productive? laundry, dishes, meetings ?????
i want to be free from that feeling. as slight as it may be. sure, i think we need to work hard and be diligent in all we do, but if we are to really pass on an understanding of simplicity and peace in life to our kids, we need to be able to spend time with them at their pace. they live unhurried and happy lives (if we allow them to). the trend today is to get your kids involved in every program known to man, so that they can be well-rounded and knowledgeable, and of course, so they can make informed decisions about what they are going to do with the rest of their lives. *pffft*.
sometimes it just makes me tired to watch it all spinning around me. i long for simpler times. i guess it’s up to us to guard our own lives. boundaries are important. we need not say ‘yes’ to everything that comes our way. guilt is a big motivator. i pray that God would reveal to me daily the motivations of my heart. am i doing something just because i feel guilty or am comparing myself to the lady down the street who has 6 kids and can still manage to juggle a full-time job, a clean house, a big vegetable garden, and volunteering on several committees, teaching sunday school and baking cookies?
Lord, show me what I am capable of. Teach me how make the most of my time. Teach me simplicity and peace. Help me to not only convey it to my family, but to the people around me. Teach me when to say no, when to say yes.