taking stock.

i believe one of the most important things that we, as humans, need to be continually doing is taking stock of our lives:   

what areas of my character need to be changed? 
in what areas have i grown and changed? 
what are the things that i struggle with the most?
what can i do about these things? 
what are my strengths?
what are my weaknesses?
etc….

well, i try to always be aware of my issues…sometimes i think i am almost TOO aware…and i can get down on myself pretty aggressively.  been feeling that pretty strong lately, and have been wondering why.
i think its because spiritually i have been dry.
not because i want to, and not because i feel any differently toward the Lord.  i still believe as much as i ever have and still love God immensely. 
but there’s dryness, and i long for a long, cool drink of the presence of God.  not a one time drink, but a daily drinking.  a daily thirst-quenching. 
i heard a teacher one speaking about how nature often mimics what is happening in the spiritual.    turns out he may be right…at least in my case.   we’ve been in drought here too….they keep forcasting rain, and yet we receive none.  well, minor sprinklings, but none to speak of.   feels the same in my own walk. 
but, trust me, its not for lack of want. 
i feel like its for lack of …..energy, maybe?  or peace and quiet?  i don’t know.  
all i know is i need to feel like i’m connected again.  i need to be able to spend quality time listening to the voice of God, receiving from him, and ministering to Him. 
to not do so is to not truly live. 

my heart’s desire is to find rest within the shadow of His wings.  i don’t doubt that its there and available to me…i am just having a hard time finding that “secret place” lately.  
i miss it.
 

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